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The Ultimate Awful Vikings Quarterback

by Cade

Justin Halpern and Brian Huntington of Grantland.com  put together a “scientific” infographic of what The Ultimate Awful Quarterback would look like.  It’s a compilation of bad traits of past and present NFL QBs.  It’s quite entertaining and can be found here .

As a Minnesota Vikings fan, I’ve been subjected to many an awful quarterback in my time.  So, I thought I’d do something similar with quarterbacks who have donned purple and horns during their career.

Minnesota has had some truly terrible quarterbacks throughout their 50-plus years in existence.  Don’t get me wrong, they haven’t all been bad.  Their first ever quarterback, Fran Tarkenton is in the Pro Football Hall Of Fame.  As is, Warren Moon.  He played for the purple from ’94-96 before breaking his collarbone and losing his job to Brad Johnson.  Daunte Culpepper was pretty good for Minnesota, nearly winning the MVP Award in 2004.  Then, the following year his entire career came crashing down after tearing his knee to shreds halfway through the season.  Brett Favre.  Loads of good and bad traits with that guy.  The good, being that he’s almost guaranteed to be inducted into the Hall of Fame.  The bad, we’ll get to that soon enough. 

Without further ado, the Ultimate Awful Vikings Quarterback:

We’ll start at the top of our fictional signal-caller.  The head.  More specifically, what’s inside the head.  The knowledge, decision-making and composure of the worst Viking quarterback have got to go to, Joe Webb.  Webb has all the athletic talent you could ever ask for.  But, when it came time to shine and fill in for an injured Christian Ponder during last year’s Wildcard playoff game against the Packers in Lambeau, Webb reacted by completing only 11 passes on 30 attempts.  I recall one of those passes going straight up in the air.  Yikes.

Staying somewhat in the head, but also including the arm is Christian Ponder.  You always hear about how great his healthy arm is (was).  Rarely have fans ever seen such a display from Ponder.  He holds onto the ball like a swaddled little baby that he doesn’t want to ever let go.  Just throw the damn ball, man!

The hands are next on my list.  This was the easiest to come up with.  Hands down, (excuse the pun) this one is all Daunte Culpepper.  For having such a massive frame, (6’4” 260lbs.)he has the hands of a carnival worker.  His tiny, almost malformed hands contributed to 40 fumbles in less than 10 years of actual playing in the NFL.  I bet he smells of cabbage too.

The legs have to go to, Kelly Holcomb.  Remember that crappy quarterback?  He only played in 3 games for Minnesota during the 2007 season.  He never even attempted to run the ball with Minnesota.  This wasn’t a bad idea considering he averaged less than a yard per run throughout his illustrious career.

The feet were tough to come up with.  Minnesota has had more than a handful of immobile, statuesque players under center.  Sean Salisbury, Brad Johnson, Gus Frerotte, Jeff George, Brett Favre, and the list goes on.  But I went with, Tavaris Jackson.  Sure, T-Jack was mobile when he decided to run.  What makes him the Vikings QB with the worst feet is the fact that he rarely kept them on the ground as he threw the ball.  Way too many of his throws were jump-passes that were more times than not picked off.  You always hear analysts talk about proper footwork.  Jackson had little to none.

Age was another hard trait to settle on.  Minnesota loves bringing in old dudes to play football.  Jim McMahon was 34 when he signed with the Vikes.  Warren Moon turned 38 during the first of three seasons with Minnesota.  Randall Cunningham was well past his prime when he put on a purple jersey at the age of 34.  In fact, he was out of the NFL for a year before the Vikings brought him in to be their starter.  Fresh off a 15-1 record during the 1998 season the Vikes had a pair of ancient quarterbacks to put in the game the next year.  At 32 years old, Jeff George was brought in to backup an aging Randall Cunningham.  The QBs on the roster during that 1999 season had an average age of 33.  The next year they drafted Daunte Culpepper.  But, by far the most youth-challenged quarterback has to be, Brett Favre.  The guy was 42 when he retired from football as a member of the Vikings.  42!  He was the epitome of a dirty old man at this point.  Getting into trouble for sending lewd voicemails and his crotch pics to co-workers.

And with that, the Ultimate Awful Vikings Quarterback.

Agree or disagree?  Hit me up on Twitter @cade1037

*image courtesy of: Pixabay.com